What can I say about this week? It has been dry and difficult. I find myself faced with a poignant question that has brought revelation and repentance:
Questions? Do I really desire to go to heaven and spend an eternity with God? Can I honestly say I don’t just want to avoid hell? Isn’t the truth evident in how I spend my time? Can I truly desire to spend an eternity with God when I can go for days without reading His word? How do I change? Do I really want Him as Lord and King? Shall I step down from the throne or continue to exalt myself as the ruler of my life? Can I allow God to manage my time, my resources and all that I have? If so, why have I not done it yet? What is holding me back? Is it fear? When faced with unconditional love isn’t resistance silly? Can I really fear unconditional love? Have I ever allowed myself to receive unconditional love? Wouldn’t unconditional love change me? Why do I resist love? Have I exalted myself above unconditional love?
My Prayer: Please forgive me God. I have exalted myself above you. I humble myself, lying face down before You. Please teach me to receive Your love that I will be forever changed. Father God please draw me to Your son Jesus. Lord Jesus please reveal the Father to me. Thank you for the Holy Spirit that searches me and exposes my sin. Thank you for having compassion and mercy upon me. Renew a right spirit in me to wait upon You and pray without ceasing so that I will spend all my time with You. Thank you for showing me I can’t continue in the flesh and expect heavenly results. Have your way Lord, have Your way!
Reflection: My nature is to do everything in the flesh. I find it hard to know my role. Wait…
Maybe I just think I need to know my role because I’m trying to continue in the flesh.
What if I was obedient every time… Would I need to know my role then? Is it really that simple?
Why do I make it so hard? What does the old man have that I want to keep alive?
Why is separateness from God valuable to me? If separateness is the fruit what are the roots? What lies have I believed?
Continued Prayer: God I humble myself before you. I am prostrate on my face. I confess my sin of idolatry. I confess my sin of disobedience. Please forgive me. Please reveal the roots and the lies that are keeping me separated from you. Please hear my request and respond with truth and mercy and grace. Please continue to convict me even if I can barely stand. Please soften my heart. Do not relent, please do not give up on me. Thank that you are faithful. It is my hearts desire that no separation remain. Have Your way Lord and please don’t delay. I am desperate for You, please don’t delay. Please come and fill this temple so that only You remain. Drive out all that is not You. I say come: come, please don’t delay. Renew a right spirit within me. Amen.